Hey there. Yes I am back, and I have been gone for a while. Honestly, a lot longer than I was hoping. I’ve had several things I have wanted to write about, things to “get off my chest”, things that “life” brings our way, but I have been scared. I’ve been scared of what people may think of me if I share this part of life with them. Scared that I will be perceived as weak. Scared that I will be judged. In reality all of this happens to everyone every single day, we just have to learn to move on and not care what others think. So in saying that, here is why I have been away…
So in one of my first blog post I wrote about the struggle of my husbands job. You see, he got a new job in hopes of a new found happiness, a new start, and a great way to provide for his family. But instead it brought the opposite. He is working 7 days a week almost 12 hours a day and hasn’t had a day off since the fourth of July. Not to mention he is on second shift. With this change has brought a lot of adjustments. The girls and I now eat dinner alone. We do bath time and bed time alone. Willow asks everyday when we pull in the driveway from work/school, “Daddy is at work,” and I reply everyday “Yes, baby daddy is at work.” He stays home with them in the morning so he is able to spend time with them but that means I rarely get to see him, except on the Monday’s I get to work at home. But those moments I get I cherish!
I’ve never had to be without my husband at any given time such as this. I’ve never had to see him work so hard and not get a day off in weeks. I’ve never had to witness him be so tired and so weak from constantly working that it breaks my heart! But what I will say this has all brought to my attention is how much I took those moments I did have as a “normal” life or schedule with him for granted. We were just texting today how we regret not taking all those moments soaking in life together, because we just let “life” get in the way. And now that we don’t have the chance to be together we wish so very much that we would have taken those moments in more. However, in this bumpy road comes a lesson. We are learning more than ever to lean on God. To ask Him daily for guidance and for Him to provide Michael a way to provide for our family but still have happiness and health within his work. God is teaching us other ways to communicate since we cannot always be there physically with each other. He is teaching us to encourage each other every single day! Not that we didn’t do that before, but this has become more important than ever before. I am so very proud of his dedication and work ethic, even with disliking his current work life, he powers through it and leans on God to give him that strength.
This has also made me appreciate my time with the girls, my family, and friends. The first few months, I sulked over not having Mike there. I felt sorry for myself. I was sad. I missed my soulmate. But lately I realize that it isn’t just me missing him. My girls miss their daddy, his mom misses her son… you get the picture. AND I know that he misses us just as much if not more. So in essence it’s been hard. However, as hard as it is, we understand it could always be worse. I am so grateful for the support I have had from my family and friends. From all of the long FaceTime conversations I have had crying because I just want an adult to talk to about my day. Also, for all of the prayers from everyone for Michael and myself. Please keep praying. We know this is God testing our faith, and we also know that He has a plan for him (Jeremiah 29:11), so we are giving it literally ALL to God. He has the control in this situation.
So since I finally got this off my chest, I am happy to say that I am back to writing, and hope to be back more often than not. This is something that makes me happy, something that helps the stress and anxiety that life brings. I appreciate you all taking the time to read this, it means more than you know. God is so good, and I know that with Him by our sides we can get through anything.