Do you ever have those moments where you don’t feel like you are enough? Confused on what your purpose here on Earth truly is, and will you make a difference once you find your purpose? I have been there more times than I can count.
In the last two years I feel that I have finally found my purpose. I have not perfected it and probably never will. I am, however, confident that this is what God’s purpose for me is.
Church has always been a huge part of my life. My Dad is the current Pastor of our church and has been for the last eight years. Before he became a Pastor of the Crossing Christian Church, he was a youth Pastor at Northside Christian Church. I have been in the Christian church most of my life and never did I think I would become a worship leader.
On July 25th 2010, my Dad came to the hospital to witness his first grandchild being born. I was in labor on a Sunday morning, and he came up there before church. I could tell something was on his mind but he didn’t want to talk about it and make he upset, he said “this is supposed to be a happy time.” My dad means the world to me and I don’t like to see him upset so I asked him to please tell me what was going on. He said “our pastor is leaving the church”. The current pastor of the Crossing Christian Church was leaving. I will not go into detail on the reasons why, but it sure shook up the church and its members.
My Dad was an elder at the time and decided to step in and take the lead Pastor roll. Over the next several months, we continued to lose people and teams that were a part of the church. We lost additional leaders and eventually our worship team. I remember going to my Dad’s house one Sunday after church to swim, and we were talking about options for the worship team and who was going to lead worship. I told my Dad, “I think I can help”. So we went out on the screened in porch and I sang for him. When deer in the headlight eyes he says “I didn’t know you could do that!” and informs me that I needed to sing that coming Sunday. The word nervous was an understatement, I was TERRIFIED.
At that point in my life I had never sang in front of anyone let alone an entire church. I reluctantly got up that Sunday and sang for the first time in front of our congregation. The reluctancy was not because I didn’t necessarily want to lead worship, it was because I didn’t feel good enough to do it.
When I looked at the past worship leaders in our church and other churches we had been to, they were older, wiser, I felt they had way more experience and sounded so much better than I. This was Satan telling me that I was NOT good enough. God had plans to push him out of the way. It wasn’t until about three years ago that I got over this feeling of feeling inadequate to lead others to worship.
Our church is now a completely different church from when I started leading worship, and I am a completely different worship leader. I am not afraid to step out of my comfort zone, and to challenge others into a worship experience like they have never felt. It is amazing to be able to stand in front of God’s people every Sunday and lead them into the throne room of God. Does being a worship leader make me a perfect Christian, NO! I am far far from it. It does however, bring me into a place of freedom with Jesus that I didn’t know was possible. That is what I want our congregation to feel every Sunday! I pray for them to know and feel the Holy Spirit like I have felt in those moments of worship.
I say all of this to encourage you. If you are in a place of uncertainty, of where your position is in the church, in work, or even on this Earth, God will reveal it to you. Once He does reveal it to you, do not doubt Him. He is the knower of all things. He knew your purpose before you were even created. No matter what stage of life you are in- you are ENOUGH.